America’s Dogeater-in-Chief

18 Apr

mitt3.jpg American expats in Korea be warned: dogeating might ruin your chances to be elected president (via Business Insider)!

“With Lolo, I learned how to eat small green chill peppers raw with dinner (plenty of rice), and, away from the dinner table, I was introduced to dog meat (tough), snake meat (tougher), and roasted grasshopper (crunchy). Like many Indonesians, Lolo followed a brand of Islam that could make room for the remnants of more ancient animist and Hindu faiths. He explained that a man took on the powers of whatever he ate: One day soon, he promised, he would bring home a piece of tiger meat for us to share.”

Yep, that’s Barack Obama, writing about his childhood with his stepfather Lolo Soetoro in Indonesia, from Chapter Two of his bestseller Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance.

“So what? It was a long time ago,” you say. “He was a lot younger. Customs are different there. He was just doing what his stepfather told him. And hey, you can’t even prove that the dogs were ever left on top of a car, you racist.”

Hey, whatever you have to tell yourself, libs. Say what you want about Romney, but at least he only put a dog on the roof of his car, not the roof of his mouth. And whenever you bring up the one, we’re going to bring up the other.

So, is there a “canine consensus”? Is there a dogs on the roof vs. dogeating divide?

I choose to take an optimistic tack. Foreign cuisine, foreign customs, anything foreign is impacting the American presidential elections. Who knows, in a few generations canines could become first political symbols, and then perhaps political candidates in conservative districts. And, considering that dogeating is haram, or forbidden by Islamic law, dog-loving Judeo-Christians and Muslims, could join against dogeaters (i.e., Asians).

Behold the advent of dog power!

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